You Drive Me Crazy!
by SnoPaws
Summary: What happens when Ryou & Malik are stuck as room mates at college? Total chaos, that's what! Also, during Halloween, Joey desides to dress-up as the Dark Magician Girl. (It's a lot better than it sounds)
1. One

_You Drive Me Crazy!_

One

I pulled up in my overly-packed, silver-and-black Mustang, anxious to see if my friends recognized me. Walking through the sliding front doors, I strode to the front desk, looking around at the decor.

"Can I help 'ya, hon?" She looked like the grandmotherly type.

I smiled, looking at her over the rims of my sunglasses. "Yes. I'm Bakura Ryou..." (A/N: Remember, they say their names backwards in Japan)

She typed in a few letters on her computer, and then looked back up at me. "You're in room 513, Mr. Bakura. That's in building 2. Here's your key."

"Thank you." I strolled back out to my Mustang, drove to building 2, and lugged fifteen cardboard boxes up three flights of stairs to the door with the golden numbers: 5-1-3.

Panting, I twisted my key in the lock, shoved open the door, and dragged my boxes inside, not closing the door behind me. "Ug! I'll need to spruce it up a bit."

The walls were a pasty yellow, the paint cracking and peeling. Ugly, hunter green carpet covered the floor--but this wasn't the luscious kind. There was absolutely no pieces of furniture in the small dormitory, apart from the dresser and two identical beds.

I glanced down at the sheet of paper in my left hand. "Who's my room mate?" I wondered to myself. "Hmm. Doesn't say."

"JERK!!" came the yell from outside the open door. "YOU RABID EGYPTIAN!!"

I whirled, leaping out of the room and slamming the door behind me. "Wha--? Joey?"

The golden-haired Joey Wheeler suddenly appeared, vertically challenged Yugi Muto at his side.

"Joey, control yourself!" Yugi reprimanded, looking reproachfully up at his tall friend.

I waved. But they didn't see me.

Joey glared back over his shoulder. "I don't care, Yug. He's still a _punk_!"

"Joey! Yugi!" I cried, watching as they noticed me, relishing in their double-takes.

Joey's amber eyes were wide, his golden eyebrows arching in two perfect semicircles on his forehead. "_Ryou_?! Is that really you? You look totally different!"

"I'll say! You look good, Ryou." Yugi hurried over to me, his grin spanning the width of his lower face.

I pointed at my leg-hugging, faded denim jeans, ice blue T-shirt, and designer sneakers. "This is what you get when you put me in a whole summer of boredom with all of my father's money," I told him, studying Yugi over the rims of my sunglasses.

"Wow...!" was all he could say.

"Watch this." I closed my eyes and flipped my ponytail over my shoulder, making the golden ring through my ear jingle. "I can't help it if the ladies love me!" I said arrogantly, putting my hand on my hips regally.

Yugi laughed. "You look just like Duke!"

"I've been practicing."

"Outta my way!"

My chocolate eyes flashed open. "Malik?"

The sleek, panther-like blond Egyptian strode past, receiving murderous glared from Joey. Malik Ishtar paused and looked down. "Nice pants, Ryou."

Mine were made of denim; his of black leather.

"Punk!" Joey snarled, his eyes shooting daggers at the eighteen-year-old foreigner.

Malik looked over his shoulder haughtily. "So? Whatcha gonna do about it, Wheeler?"

The darker blond just glowered and muttered curses under his breath as he stormed away down the hall, Yugi following like a well-trained puppy.

The violet-eyed Egyptian glanced down at the paper in his hand. "Let's see... room 513..." he said, looking at the door.

"513...?" I stammered, hardly believing my ears.

His lavender eyes glittered at me. "Yeah. Is there an echo in here, or something?"

"N-no." I gulped. "It's just that, I'm in room 513--_we're room mates_?!"

Malik smiled at me over his tanned shoulder as he waltzed into our room. "Oh, good. You're _used_ to living with psychos!"

"No!" I was still incredulous.

"So, roomy," Malik said, "got any good music?"

I watched Malik unpack his possessions--exotic-looking clothing, a large CD player, his very vast collection of CS's, and small golden Egyptian-like figurines.

"Watcha doin'?" he asked, looking over my shoulder.

I snapped my laptop shut. "Nothing!" I said quickly.

He cocked his head to the right, resembling a very large, mocha-colored kitten. "It looked like writing to me."

"It was nothing, Malik." My tone told him that the conversation was over. He didn't listen to my voice.

"You're an author, aren't you?" Malik said quickly, grabbing for my laptop.

I jerked the computer out of his reach. "Maybe."

He grinned wolfishly. "You are. When Ishizu says 'maybe' it, mostly, means 'yes'. Lemme see!"

"No."

"_Fine_!"

I flared at hime. "Did you know that you're too smart for your own good?"

His grin widened. "Straight A student through elementar, middle and high school--hopefully college as well." Malik made another lunge for my lpatop.

"_Stop_!"

Cocking his blond head again, the kitten-like expression came into his eyes once more. "Why?" he asked angelically, making his eyes wide and innocent--as if Malik Ishtar could be considered "innocent"!

I felt my glare grow cold. "Because I said so."

He arched a thin eyebrow. "Oh? And since when have you become the boss of me?"

"Whatever!" Throwing my hands into the air, I slammed my laptop onto the desk, stood up, and jumped into my bed, pulling the covers over my head.


	2. Two

Two

"Malik!" I yelled, pounding on the bathroom door. "You jerk! Come out!"

The door opened with a slight creak, and a very tired, annoyed-looking Malik Ishtar glared at me out of half-closed eyes. I nothiced that the khol, usually lining his eyes, hadn't been applied yet. "What, Ryou?" he snarled, storming past me and grabbing a shirt out of his half of the dresser

His back was to me, and I winced at the huge tattoo spanning from just below his shoulders to his very slender waist. Bakura had once told me that Malik's father had branded him with the emblem--I think it was called the "Pharaoh's Promise", or something like that. Shaking my head slightly, I remembered why I was so mad at the tomb keeper. "I know that you looked at my laptop last night."

Malik's violet eyes were blank when he turned back to me, shirt in hand. "Yeah--you yelled at me for it, remember?"

"No. I mean while I was asleep!"

He shook his blond head, golden earrings jingling quietly. "No, I didn't."

"Don't you play stupid with me. Stupidity doesn't flatter you, Malik Ishtar. I know you looked at my stories--especially the romance ones--my laptop was gapped when I woke up!" I was hysterical now.

One side of his mouth turned up in a lopsided smirk. "Okay, okay... yeah, I read your stories. You really don't portray me very well--I sounded too meek and modest--too much like you."

I sighed.

"You have a crush on my sister."

My eyes flew open. "No I don't," I said quickly, my voice strained and faltering.

"_You _have a crush on _Ishizu_!"

I spun on my heels. "Don't you _dare_ tell anyone, do you hear me?"

"Now, why would I want to make the rest of your stay at the University of Tokyo miserable?" Eyes wide and faultless, staring imploringly up at me.

"Because you hate my guts, and I hate yours."

Tears sprung into the wide, chibi-like violet eyes. "You hate my guts?" He turned his head away. "I'm crushed. Really..."

I didn't buy his act. "And you hate mine."

"Well," Malik replied, smiling, "you wouldn't be my first choice--if I got to choose my brother-in-law."

Shoving books into my backpack, I sighed wearily--this was going to be a long day. I glanced at Malik. "Put your shirt on--you don't want Joey thinking you a punk... again."

Smirking, he did as I commanded, disappearing into the bathroom to put on his many golden bands and to rim his eyes with his liquid eyeliner.

After a long, rigorous first day at college, I was sitting on the green grass under a large oak tree outside, when Malik came jogging up. I stared at my book, not seeing it, determined that I _wasn't_ going to look at him. "What, Malik?" I snapped, after a few moments of awkward silence.

He leaned casually against the tree, hands in the pockets of his favorite black cargo pants. "Well, I've been thinking--"

"Which can be a danger for you and Joey," I barked, still mad at him for looking at my stories. I could sense his grin as he continued--

"Our room looks horrible--what with the paint and carpet and all--and I know you don't like it neither--"

I cut him off again. "That's '_either_.' "

Shrugging, hands still in pockets, he continued once more, "Whatever. You don't like it. I don't like it. I say we call a truce--you forget about the stories, I forget about this little business with Ishizu--and we do it over the way we want."

Finally looking up at him, I replied, "You're taste is too Egyptian for me."

"I _can_ tone it down a bit, kid." He was wearing a black turtleneck, with the sleeves pushed up, underneath a lavender quilted vest which matched his eyes perfectly. The usual gold glittered at his neck, arms, ears, fingers and, for once, his forehead; Malik had decided to wear his ceremonial headband today.

Pushing my silvery-white bangs out of my eyes, I gazed up at him, the book laying, forgotten, in my lap. "Really? You _really_ want to fix up our dorm?"

"_Hello_! I hate it! The decor _so_ doesn't express my inner artistic strengths!" Malik slid down the trunk until he was seated on the ground beside me, arms resting on his knees. "So, let's talk decorating..."

The teenaged Egyptian and I began to discuss our dorm--Malik had some really great, non-Egyptian ideas--apparently, in history class he was thinking of this instead of the bubonic plague! We agreed on painting two of the walls lime green, and the other two ice blue, on staining the dresser and bed-frames, on buying one set of dark blue bedcovers, and one set of laverder covers, and on purchasing lavender curtains.

Following Malik to the parking lot, I said, "Where are you going?"

"I'll meet you at the home repair depot a couple of blocks over, okay?" He strapped his black helmet on, and I noticed the flames painted on the sides. When I didn't reply, he kicked his motorcycle to life and asked, "Wait. You _do_ have a car, don't you?"

"Yes. I've got a Mustang."

"_Really_?" The teenager sounded shocked as he straddled his Harley Davidson motorcycle. "I'll see you there, Ryou." With that, he slammed his boot on the gas, holding his wheelie until he drove out of the parking lot.

I looked after him, stunned. "Crap! He's gotten good!" I whispered, walking to my Mustang and climbing into the driver's seat.


	3. Three

Three

Malik and I decided to postpone on our decorating until after the Christmas break a little more than a month awayyes, it took us a while to find what we wanted. I guess, you could say we were friends... almost. Malik was still too mouthy, too haughty, and too flirty for me.

"Hello? Oh, hang on..." I held the receiver out to Malik. "Malik, it's for you."

"Hello? Malik speaking... Mmm, hey, baby!" he sounded overjoyed to be talking to his girlfriend. Twirling the phone cord around his index finger, the Egyptian sank onto his now-lavender bed. "You know I am... she said _that_! Really?"

I smiled, deciding to be nosy, and cocking one ear in Malik's direction.

"It's strange being here without you, baby. It feels, I dunno... weird..." They chatted about this and that for about ten more minutes, and then, "Uh-huh. I've gotta go, darling. See you then. I love you... 'bye..." And Malik hung up, sighing and hanging his head. Heaving a sigh that seemed to come from the toes of his black biker boots, he said, "You're lucky you don't love anyone, Ryou."

I looked up, startled. "Oh?"

"Yeah. I mean, I'd do anything for hereven die for herand it's strange, not being by her side. For five years we were inseparable, and now I'm in Japan and she's still in Egypt." Sounding like he felt really miserable, Malik said, "I'm going out."

Watching him leave the dorm room, I sighed, too, and turned back to my laptop, trying to make the Malik in my story sound more full of himself.

Two hours later, wondering where in the world Malik could have gone for that amount of time, I walked out to the parking lot. "Malik?"

He was seated on his motorcycle, which was supported by its kick-stand, leaning back a bit for balance, feet propped up on the handlebars, a rock guitar in his lap, helmet on his head, and a pair of black sunglasses pulled down his elegant nose. Looking up over the rims of his dark glasses at me, Malik grinned mischievously.

I jogged over to him. "Since when have _you_ played the guitar?" I asked, looking him over.

"Since forever! Listen." Lithe, slender fingers skipping over the strings, Malik played a quick, rocky-sounding song for me, smirking at my surprise. "I'm an aspiring musician, Ryou."

The guitar was black with purple flames of two colors dancing up the sides. I frowned at his position. "You've got your feet on the handlebars," I said, stating the obvious.

The purple eyes were blazing at me over the sunglasses. "So? You got a problem with that?"

"No! It's just that it looks rather strange, that's all."

Gaze flickering back down to the guitar, he replied, "I'm not a very normal person, Ryou."

"You can say that again," I whispered, shoving my hands into my deep pockets and looking around at the scenery.

"What was that?" Came the snapped demand.

"Nothing," I said quickly. "Look, I'm just going to be over there..." And I waltzed away, hearing the motorcycle roar to life, and watched Malik pull out of the parking lot.

For Christmas break, Malik was going to go back to Egypt to visit his girlfriend and sister for a while, and hearing that I didn't have anything planned, the Egyptian teen asked if I would like to come, too. I said I would, and we went to class.

After class, I was walking back to the dorm, when I spotted Malik flirting with Serenity Wheeler, looking her up and down. "Malik!" I scolded as Serenity flounced away down the hall, boasting about how the "hottest guy of the year" was actually talking to her.

"What?" He flipped his platinum blond hair over his shoulder.

"You've already _got_ a girlfriend, baka!"

"Don't you call me a baka, BAKA!" Malik yelled, making people in the hall stop and stare. "Besides, just because I'm on a diet, doesn't mean I can't look at the menuwhich reminds me of my motto: Look, but don't touch."

I looked at him sharply. "I should sic your girlfriend on you!"

"I'd like to see you try."

"All right, then. I will!" I spun around and stormed off to our dorm. "...baka..." I whispered, already concocting a letter to write to his girlfriend.

Back in the dorm, I sat down at my laptop, ready to write the letter of Malik's demisenot to sound like my yami. I cracked my knuckles and, hands poised above the keyboard, began to think of my first sentence.

Finally, after three hours and skipping lunch, the letter was finished. I looked it over once more.

_Dear , _(I forgot his girlfriend's name. I'll look in his photo album.)

_I have been observing your boyfriend, Malik Ishtar, and would like to inform you that he is flirting with and leading on other girls, behind your back. I am only telling you this so you will be aware of Malik's behavior, and will not be disappointed if he begins to exhibit the same performance in Egypt._

_I am sorry for any inconvenience this has caused your blossoming relationship. But I feel we must stop Malik before he causes any emotional or physical damage to these women. To put it bluntly, your boyfriend is a perverted jerk._

_Once again I apologize for any inconvenience._

_Signed,_

Ryou Bakura

Yes. I think it was as close to being perfect as possible. One more thing and it would be done.

I got up and walked to Malik's half of the new shelves we bought, and looked over his books until I came to "Photos". Sliding it off the shelf, I carried the album over to my bed and, laying on my stomach, began to thumb through Malik's life.

First came the pictures of him as a young boy, always smiling and looking adorable. Next came his younger teen yearsa brown-haired girl, about his age, began showing up around here. Then the more recent pictures.

Malik and the girlnow a young womanwere together in almost every photo in this section.

"What's her _name_?" I whispered, picking up the pace of my page turning.

I paused as one picture caught my eye. Malik was standing in front of his motorcycle, grinning up a storm, holding the girl, bridal-style, with her arms around his neck. They actually looked kind of cute together.

"What are you _doing_!"

I froze, my hand resting on a photo of Malik and his girlfriend kissing. "N-nothing."

Malik snatched the book from me, snapping it shut. "How _dare_ you go through _my_ things!" he yelled, voice trembling with rage, and another emotion I just couldn't put my finger on. "This is _my_ life you're thumbing through, bakabakashii otoko-no-ko!"

"I'm _sorry_. Now you know how it feelslike, when you read my stories."

"That's different! They're here with you. Get out before I kill you." He put one hand to his forehead, grimacing.

I hurried out of the door, leaving it gapped behind me so I could eavesdrop on him. Peeking through the crack, I watched Malik sink onto the bed, dropping his blonde head into his artistic hands and sighing.

"Oh, Amber." I heard him moan. "I miss you so much. Here, people don't know how it feels to be apart from the one you lovetruly love. I can't wat until Christmas, when I can come back to you..."

_Is Malik _crying I wondered when I heard the unmistakable sound of sobbing. _Poor guy..._

The sound of a phone being picked up, then, "Ishtar, Ishizu, please. Thank you."

_He's calling her._ I pressed my ear to the crack, eager to hear his conversation. _I wish I could hear her response..._

"Hello?"

_That's not Malik's voice!_

"Hey, sweetheart. I've gotcha on speaker-hone so if I sound a little weird..." Malik explained, scooting to the edge of his bed.

I could hear the smile in her voice when she said, "I don't carejust as long as I can hear you, akutenshi."

Malik had shivered delightedly at this nickname. "Same here."

"Have you been crying again? Your voice sounds kinda funny."

_'Again'?_ So this wasn't the first time. Poor Malik. I really felt sorry for him. I mean, here he was, miles away from his home, his sister, and his girlfriend.

Malik used to live in Cairo, Egypt, and transferred to Tokyo, so he had to learn Japanese. I know he was fluent in Arabic, German, Chinese, Latin, Greek, Spanish, and French in addition to Japanese and English. Also, the Egyptian had been homeschooled his entire life. So, for him, coming to college had changed his life.

"I miss you, Malik," his girlfriend was saying. "I really do. You're coming home for Christmas, right?"

"You know I am."

"I can't wait."

He smiled, laying on his back, looking up at the ceiling. "I know. The first thing I'm going to do is embarass the crap out of you by kissing you in the airport," he said, rolling onto his stomach and thumbing through his photo album.

"I'd love every minute of it, koi," she answered smoothly. "I watch our movie before I go to bed every night."

"Really?"

"Mmm-hmmwait, hold on..."

A muffled voice asked, "Who is it? Is it Malik? Can I talk to him?"

"Hey, Malik?" The girl was talking into her phone again.

"Yeah, baby?"

"Would you mind talking to Odion? He's sitting right here annoying me to death!"

Malik smiled, his purple eyes almost closing in his joy. "No, I wouldn't mind. Go ahead and put him on."

There were noises like someone wrestling the phone away from someone else, a few muffled curses thrown by Malik's girlfriend, and then a new person was talking. A man. Odion.

"Master Malik!"

"Hey, Odion. Haven't heard from _you_ for a while." The young Egyptian's smile widened.

They talked for quite a while. Then Malik hung up, and I left.

Note: Okay, peoples. This is NOT a yaoi ficI don't write those. I even gave Malik a _girl_friend for all of you dubious people out there, 'kay? Please review... And I wouldn't mind a few favorite author/stories... winkwinknudgenudge


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